The Lavender Manifesto

(1) I’m not too proud to admit that from time to time I like to rock the Lavender Diamond. Yes, tracks like Oh No and You Broke My Heart are pretty girly. But they’re still not as girly as anything made by Jens Lekman, who is (I’m told) a man.

Oh, but was just poking around the Lavender Diamond website and I found the following manifesto on the “News” page.

Did you know that this is the beginning of the era of true love? The end of oppression? Of the self or the other. It’s true. True love can only exist in the absence of oppression and where true love exists there is no oppression.

This is the moment of the invention of peace on earth. Like the moment just before the invention of the printing press. Or the day after, or the week of. Imagine the sun going down and you pass a window and someone inside is writing notes (and that someone is you) and those notes are about a letterpress- or an airplane- or the that the world is round- or that peace will come to earth. We will look back on this moment with astonishment and wonder how we lived in the time of war- much the same way we look back with astonishment at a time on earth without humans- or birds- or clouds- or at a time when dinosaurs lived-

But do not forget that everything on earth and in heaven may come and go. There was a time before humanity. There was a time before America. There was a time before the sky, there was a time before earth. And this is the time before peace.

I declare that the age of war is over and that soon it will be a memory.

War is now extinct and peace is the new species.

Imagine this. And Invent this with the full force of your soul, your mind, your heart, your voice.

Earth is heaven, the water is magic, the ground is magic, your voice is magic, you are pure magic. Remember yourself. Bring peace.

Peace to all the children of the world, forever and ever and now,


Ahem. Soooo … Heeeey. Oh man, I suddenly feel really uncomfortable. Granted, this isn’t the first time I’ve heard that I am “pure magic.” It’s not even the first time this weekend. But I mean, if someone said this to you on the bus, you’d be like, “Is this person going to stab me like James Howard Kunstler?" Again, this was on the “News” page under “TODAY!” It’s one thing if you don’t feel like updating your “News” page, but this is just too much.

(2) Note the resemblance between the phrases “I ain’t to proud to beg” and Jesse Ventura memorable “I ain’t got time to bleed.” One of these days I hope to find a subtle and appropriate way to drop “I ain’t got time to bleed” into casual conversation. Observe:

Friend: Hey Salam, you donating blood this year?

Me: Oh, sorry man. I ain’t got time to bleed.

(3) Let me also add that Cory Doctorow’s Little Brother will likely be the greatest book since modern YA classic King Dork. That’s saying a lot.