Electorate: But it’s so simple. All I have to do is divine it from what I know of you. Are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy’s? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you…But you must have known I was not a great fool; you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Pollsters: You’ve made your decision then?
Electorate: [happily] Not remotely! Because Iocaine comes from Australia. As everyone knows, Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me. So, I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.
Pollsters: Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.
Electorate: Wait ‘till I get going!! …where was I?
Electorate: Yes! Australia! And you must have suspected I would have known the powder’s origin,so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Pollsters: You’re just stalling now.
Electorate: You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you! You’ve beaten my giant, which means you’re exceptionally strong…so you could have put the poison in your own goblet trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you’ve also bested my Spaniard, which means you must have studied…and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me!
Pollsters: You’re trying to trick me into giving away something. It won’t work.
Electorate: It has worked! You’ve given everything away! I know where the poison is!
Pollsters: Then make your choice.
Electorate: I will, and I choose…[pointing behind the man in black] What in the world can that be?
I dunno – Mike Bloomberg? Lou Dobbs? Zombie Reagan? It hardly matters – they’re all poisoned, you know.