Non-Obvious Vice Presidential Thoughts

Of the non-obvious ideas I suppose I like Mark Sanford the most: yes, he is from a solidly Republican state, but he offers both contrasts and sympathetic vibrations with McCain, i.e., he is an unambiguous small government budget hawk, and he is also a maverick who has been at odds with the local Republican establishment. But perhaps he is too obvious.

As an Alaskaphile, due entirely to Northern Exposure, Sarah Palin seems very appealing. She’s another rebel from the smallish government wing. Yet I wonder if she’s ready for prime time, so to speak.

I was most intrigued by Fred Smith, the founder and CEO of FedEx. He sounds like a badass, and he outRomneys Romney. Yes, Romney was a successful entrepreneur. But Smith was a successful entrepreneur and loyal Republican who also killed VC. No, not venture capitalists. Viet Cong. You see what I mean: Smith sits comfortably atop all three legs of the three-legged stool.

Imagine if McCain picked Ken Blackwell. That would just be crazy. Crazy like a fox! No, just crazy. But no less crazy than J.C. Watts or Michael Steele, both proposed by the normally sober RealClearPolitics blog. I actually had the Steele thought myself a few months back, but the trouble is that his resume is troublingly thin. So far. I wish he could be parachuted into a truly purple state, but alas.

Thus far I’ve been pretty milquetoast.

How about

the exhumed body of Silent Cal?
disgraced former Canadian Prime Minister Brian Mulroney?
Bernie Sanders of Vermont as part of a conservative-socialist front against Clinton?
former New York governor George Pata — wait, that’s just absurd.

I still want Scalia to run. As the song “Here Comes the Judge” plays in the background, he will fly from state to state, crushing injustice with his mighty gavel. Speaking semi-seriously, I would be interested to see a committed originalist or textualist in the White House. It would be pretty strange, I think, and possibly very healthy. I assume she or he would use that veto pen with great verve.

You know who I kind of like from a distance? Tom McClintock, the California state senator made somewhat famous by his role in the California recall election. Too bad he looks and sounds like a man possessed. Then again, that’s clearly why I like him.

I’m just waiting for the ferocious battle between Petraeus and Jindal in 2016, when frontrunning Petraeus will be laid low by the charge that he is some kind of secular humanist. Jindal, meanwhile, will use a massive botnet attack to cripple the federal government as he uses an army of homeschoolers to establish a sovereign Christian republic in the states of the Old Confederacy. But Jindal’s use of Bengalooru hackers will lead Dixie nativists to revolt, thus initiating a round of coups and counter-coups in the fragile new state. It’s at this point that Petraeus, at the head of an army of loyal Iraq veterans, will seize control of the heartland to establish the Islamic Republic of Petraeustan, governed by a particularly harsh interpretation of sharia law. His grand vizier? Imam Walid W. Bush, the man formerly known as “Dubya.” Caliph Bush 41 will, in a meeting with European president Tony Blair, declare eternal peace between the two warring civilizations. And all will be well.

You heard it here first, folks.