Please forgive me: I’m about to post a few videos of myself. This one is on the long side, and makes absolutely no sense. There is an excellent chance that it will melt your brain, so I urge you not to watch it.
Oh wait. This video is still “processing.” Not anymore! Ready to go. A word of warning: the likely extreme popularity of this video will almost certainly lead to some kind of ferocious confrontation between yours truly and exercise gurus like Jane Fonda and Kathy Smith, as I will steal their thunder and their revenues with my revolutionary exercise program. So if I am “disappeared” by agents of the regime, I urge you to spend every last dime you have hunting down those who’ve wronged me. Seriously speaking, it is the least you can do in light of my almost unimaginably generous gift to humanity. And by the way, you’re welcome.
So instead I will present you with a vivid retelling of one of the most crucial episodes in the history of modern dance. Perhaps you don’t know this, but I, Reihan Salam, am one of America’s leading historians of modern dance. You might be wondering, “Well, Reihan — why don’t you cover contemporary ballet?” That’s an excellent question. In truth, though I’m a ballet historian (a celebrated ballet historian, I should say), I can’t say I’m a ballet buff, exactly. But yes, I am America’s leading expert on the subject. Some say that I am the leading expert in the world, but I like to think my work speaks for itself, as you’ll see below.