The Perfect Food

The post below is about food and it might bore you to tears.

I recently stumbled upon — who linked to this? I forget! — a wonderful Tara Parker-Pope item on “The 11 Best Foods You Aren’t Eating,” as identified by nutritionist Jonny Bowden. Fortunately, I find several of these foods absolutely delicious, particularly pumpkin.

And so, after watching Hancock, I decided to actually prepare a meal for myself — very rare. Black beans are one of my favorite foods. I can eat them all day. Also, I love nuts, particularly almonds. So I decided to combine canned pumpkin, black beans, copious amounts of butter, cinnamon, and almonds, with a small amount of garlic salt. The result? Utterly delicious, though more than I can finish, I’m afraid.

To be sure, I have eccentric tastes. As a kid, I would literally chew peanuts and then spittle them on bread, as though I were “manufacturing” my own “peanut butter.” “Reihan’s Own” as against “Newman’s Own.” I also ate tremendous amounts of paper — ruled composition paper, paper towels, facial tissues, etc. — as well as ketchup on white bread, long my favorite snack when I was left to my own devices. Later on, I went through a phase of eating little other than unheated Campbell’s Cream of Chicken Soup and Chips Ahoy!, all without gaining any weight. Then there was my first year out of college, when I’d often have a pint of Ben & Jerry’s for lunch. I’ve since started eating “healthier” food. For example, I would happily eat nothing but avocados, and I have at times fantasized about marrying a beautiful woman who owns and operates an avocado farm. But I think it’s safe to say that this isn’t going to happen.

I also ate a bunch of sardines, taking a cue from Jonny. Now I have a slight stomachache.