Obama as Constitutional Monarch

I was on television a little while ago (a really fun program on MSNBC called Race to the White House, hosted by David Gregory), and I had a brief tussle over Obama — basically, I argued that he’d make a terrific constitutional monarch. One of my fellow guests, a far more effective and very entertaining television performer named Rachel Maddow (if you don’t know her now, you will soon), parried with me, and said that the idea that Obama engages in “self-adulation” is absurd — the “self-adulation” remark was a claim advanced by a letter-writer. I defended the claim, though I wouldn’t have made it myself, and noted that it’s been made by people who know him. But of course plenty of people who know him would say no such thing, and emphasize his openness and humility. I have to say, things move very quickly in that setting.

Moreover, I actually don’t think self-adulation is so bad. I spent at least 6 to 7 hours a day staring at myself in amazement: how can my head be so perfectly round? I mean, it’s not self-adulation, exactly. More puzzlement and simple scientific curiosity, which is why I use calipers to carefully measure the spherical orb that I use mostly for balance. But is it self-absorption? Definitely.

Anyway, this is a little silly, but it reminded me that I like to be precise, which is why I’m so prolix, deliberate, and often elliptical. Wait, but being elliptical isn’t being precise! Well, it is if you are precisely conveying ellipticalness.

I’ll also note that a blogger, Jeffrey Wells, has compared me to The Thing (From Another World) and The Thief of Baghdad. This is, believe it or not, is the review I’ve been waiting for all my life. I must say, my resemblance to The Thing is really striking. Also: My full intention is to cheer on Iraq’s efforts to defeat violent extremists so that I can one day visit Baghdad and steal the hearts of the locals. Until then, I’ll have to keep my Baghdad thieving on hold.

Actually, one of my best friends delivered packages in Iraq for over a year. He didn’t do any thieving, however. At least as far as I know — I’ll have to ask him about this. Were he to steal anything, it would probably be the collected writings of Anthony Burgess and, come to think of it, human organs.

My great dream in life has been to host some kind of chat show, or to teach myself how to levitate. Sadly, I think these are equally unlikely prospects in light of my manic intensity and bushy eyebrows.