I’m just throwing it out there. Slice appears to have some skeletons in his closet. I’ll note that Slice is based in Florida, and Barack Obama would cripple John McCain’s chances by naming a popular Floridian to his ticket. Perhaps Slice’s greatest strength is the power of his surname: both McCain-Slice and Obama-Slice have a compelling ring, and both could be the name of a popular presidential brand of cinnamon raisin bread. The best thing since Sliced bread, anyone? Perhaps Slice will be named — in an embarrassing coincidence — the running mate of both major presidential candidates. Bob Barr will run with Herman Cain, formerly of the Godfather pizza chain, and Hillary Clinton will run alongside some miscellaneous Indian man (Reihan Salam?) as the vice presidential nominee of a revived Natural Law party. Yogic flyers will buzz around Reagan National Airport, crippling the capital’s transportation grid. Amidst the chaos, a race of mole-people, long shielded from the sun and the hatred of a hateful humanity, will emerge from manholes and make us their butlers. Fortunately, I know all of the words to the Mr. Belvedere theme song by heart.
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