the forgiving Buckley
Christopher Buckley's essay in the New York Times Magazine about his parents begins with a description of his mother’s death in hospital. Here’s how that scene ends:
Soon after, a doctor came in to remove the respirator. It was quiet and peaceful in the room, just pings and blips from the monitor. I stroked her hair and said, the words coming out of nowhere, surprising me, “I forgive you.”
I can't tell you what’s in the rest of the essay, because I stopped reading there. But if we don't go on to learn just how much — oh, how much — Mum had done for which she bloody well needed to be forgiven, and therefore learn just how gracious and forbearing her son has become, I will eat every hat I own.
My father died in January. For years I told myself what when he died I wanted to write a book about my family and my upbringing in Alabama during the King years, but I’m not now inclined to do that. I could change my mind again, of course, and if I do, and if I end up describing how utterly deficient my parents were and how long and hard was the road which led me to acceptance, forgiveness, and peace, then you all have my permission — nay, my encouragement — to track me down and shoot me dead.
Better idea. Line out your book on a serious of note cards and then put them in a box labelled “After my death, please destroy the contents of this box.”
— Tony Comstock · Apr 22, 08:52 PM · #
Tony: <jackiegleasonvoice>Har de har har har</jackiegleasonvoice>.
— Alan Jacobs · Apr 22, 09:04 PM · #
It is a long, hard road. I’ve been on it myself for many years. The only reason to tell the story – prayerfully, carefully, to a few – is to help them know they’re not alone, there is hope, and it’s worth it to keep on going.
— Jenny Stevenson · Apr 22, 09:08 PM · #
But finish the one about trees first. My wife is looking forward to it and I’ll probably get a copy for my mom too.
— Tony Comstock · Apr 22, 09:13 PM · #
I had no idea my browser could correctly interpret the html <jackiegleasonvoice> tag. That’s positively eerie. It turns out my browser can also do Jack Benny and Groucho, but not Fred Allen.
— alkali · Apr 22, 09:47 PM · #
Hope you don’t have to eat your words, Alan. Them’s some eating words if I ever heard any….
Memoirs are almost always a bit sappy and sanctimonious. Even the good ones.
— E.D. Kain · Apr 22, 09:54 PM · #
what browser?
— c.t.h. · Apr 22, 09:58 PM · #
This reminds me, Alan, that I was going to leave a comment on your post on memoir at TextPatterns about a prof. who contrasted the Confessions and Gulag Archipelago to the modern memoir and told us that if anyone in the class ever ended up writing anything but a confession, dammit, he’d hunt him down and kill him.
— John Schwenkler · Apr 22, 09:59 PM · #
My contribution here is to note that the only funny joke in the whole CB piece is the Benny/13th-century bit. Toward the end — I powered through — I felt a bit better about it than the first half, which was depressing as hell and fairly godawful besides…but the piece as a whole succeeded mostly in putting me deep into a funk.
— James · Apr 23, 12:51 AM · #
Tony: don’t hold your breath (or anyone else’s) waiting for the tree book. But we live in hope.
alkali: I hear that when Google Chrome is out of beta it’ll be able to do Fred Allen. Also John Facenda.
E. D.: I’ve eaten words before, but I don’t look forward to the taste of these. . . .
John: I wish I had known that anecdote when I was meeting last month with a bunch of MFA students working on their memoirs.
— Alan Jacobs · Apr 23, 01:08 AM · #
I didn’t finish the piece, but I read further than you, Alan. There were some lines which hinted that your judgment was wrong. And then a sort of “I’m sorry I said all those true things that bothered you so” apology appeared, followed by a few of those justified complaints.
— Justin · Apr 23, 01:13 AM · #
My perception of the world really changed when I realized how many of my friends positively hate their parents. It’s sad and I’ll never understand it.
— Freddie · Apr 23, 01:36 AM · #
This is, sadly, familiar terrain for Buckley. I seem to recall him airing the family linen in a prologue or dedication in one of his books, amongst other places. It’s all very useful, of course, in putting that much more distance between himself and the company his parents kept.
— Jeff · Apr 23, 01:47 AM · #
I remember someone telling me long ago that no matter how your children turn out, they will blame you for it. I think Mr. Buckley would agree.
— Steven Donegal · Apr 23, 04:12 PM · #
Well said. I have a somewhat different take at Kingdom of Priests on Beliefnet.
— David Klinghoffer · Apr 23, 08:38 PM · #
Yeah this has been sort of a trend lately for children to really lambast their famous parents. I think of Frank Schaeffer in his book “Crazy For God” big chip on that guys shoulders.
— D. · Apr 24, 12:11 AM · #
I thought of Franky too. It is merely that personality defect that wants to tell others (in his case the church) that they’re not doing it right; that they will never know the unique suffering [he] has endured and his special revelation that has made it neccesary to tell all. The Church doesn’t know art/the Church lets babies die/the Church takes psuedo-saints like his father and manipulates and abuses them, only to leave their children to gnaw on their parent’s tragic shortcomings. Lewis says it best, “Against all such pretty infants (the dears have such winning ways) the advice of the Psalm is the best. Knock the little bastard’s brains out. And ‘blessed’ he who can, for it’s easier said than done.’
— Scott Holmberg · Apr 28, 04:30 AM · #