The New Reihan Salam Theme Song?

Inside baseball post below. Enter at your own risk.

Current candidates:

India Arie featuring Musiq Soulchild’s Chocolate High

or the MTV Version — largely profanity-free — of Young Jeezy’s My Hood

On one level, I think it’s pretty clear that I am “addicted to my chocolate high,” which is to say I’m addicted to my own cheerful disposition. Yet it’s also true that “every time I do it, I do it for my hood.” But perhaps that should go without saying. To advertise this fact might even be considered gauche.

My old theme song was Jeru the Damaja’s “Not Tha Average.” Unfortunately, it was really laden with profanity, and I’m trying to keep it PG-13. Another candidate, more in the electroclash vein: “The Only Way It’s Ever Been Done” by Supersystem, my all-time favorite band. Dr. Dog’s The Rabbit, The Bat & The Reindeer is another possibility, as it captures my strong feelings on friendship and personal loyalty. If I were from the West Coast, I would go with Coconut Records’ West Coast. But I’m not. I associate that song with a major heartbreaker. I really wish my theme song could be Toto’s “Africa,” the best song ever made, but my connection to Africa is mostly notional. “Welfare Bread” from King Khan & The Shrines is a stronger candidate, as I love bread. GZA’s “Liquid Swords” is too obvious — that’s the theme song of all East Coast Asians who graduated from high school in the late 1990s. Because I am excessively risk-averse, Micachu’s “Just In Case” is a strong candidate, though perhaps too unflattering to be a theme song.

The Dirty Projectors’ “Temecula Sunrise” is a good compromise, assuming it’s not “Chocolate High” or “My Hood.” There is an amazing falsetto line that goes as follows:

“ … and what hits the spot, yeah / like Gaaaaaaaaaa- torade / ooooooh you and me baby / hittin’ the spot, whooooooaaaaa nice”

I think that pretty much gets it right, not least because I’ve been known to sip lemon-lime Gatorade while bopping around “my hood” in a hoodie, giving daps to strangers and extending both of my arms outwards and making bird sounds. I love life!

Another choice lyric:

“ … definitely you can come and / live with us / I know there’s a space for you in the / basement, yeah / all you gotta do is help out with the chores and / diiiiiiiiiiiiiishes / and I know you will”

I’m not making this up.