Department of Bad Comparisons

Apparently, some intrepid team of Hollywood whizzes is planning to remake the 1993 Sly Stallone-on-a-mountain-vs-terrorists actioner, Cliffhanger. Here’s what producer Neal Moritz says about his approach:

“Just as they rebooted ‘Star Trek,’ we’re going to do the same with ‘Cliffhanger,’ “ said Moritz, who will produce. Unlike the original, where Italy stood in for the Colorado Rockies, the new redo looks set to feature multiple cliff-face locations.

Just like! Really!

I propose a ban, starting immediately, on explaining cinematic remakes by comparing them to Batman Begins, Casino Royale, or Star Trek. No more! Your grim, somber repackaging of a fondly remembered but not terribly influential kitschy cult property, awesomely awesome as it may be, grimly grim as you may make it, does not compare to the cultural influence of Batman, James Bond, or Captain Kirk. I’m sure Predators will be bloody and wonderful. And that new Robocop too! But let’s not kid ourselves, please?

(And while I’m imposing rules on speech, let me also suggest we impose a hefty fine on anyone who refers to the Internet, or any related technology, using the phrase “the Wild West.”)