Ethical Dilemmas In Veterinary Medicine: The Special Case of Centaurs
Though rare, especially outside the Great Plains, centaurs present the large animal veterinarian with ethical dilemmas so far unresolved by professional authorities and the lawyers they rely on. Thus the usual disclaimer that what follows is intended solely as a pedagogical exercise.
Today’s case study concerns a multi-vehicle accident near Omaha, Nebraska involving a horse trailer carrying a 17 year-old centaur. He is said to have suffered compound fractures to both rear legs in the collision.
On arriving, you’re told by police that the driver employed by the centaur spoke no English, fled the scene — possibly to avoid inquiries into his immigration status — and was probably too young anyway to be the centaur’s parent or legal guardian. Despite the misleading information provided by the officer, you’re quite aware that Nebraska law recognizes eleven as the age of medical consent among centaurs, owing both to recognition of the rapidity with which they mature, and legislative pressure exerted by the Great Plains Cosmetic Surgery Association, whose members depend on centaur vanity for their largess.
Thus informed, you approach the centaur, who is writhing in pain. Your examination confirms compound fractures in both rear legs. These are injuries of the kind that would demand a mercy killing in the horses you usually treat. Alas, you haven’t any lethal injection serum on hand. Moreover, despite the universal insistence among centaurs that they are singular creatures who are both horse and human, this particular patient, when confronted with your pump action Remington 870, begins to whinny, “Nay! Nay! I am human! I only am human!”
Using statutes and case law from relevant jurisdictions, the guidelines of the American Veterinary Medical Association, and interviews with practicing doctors, veterinarians, and horse whisperers, please detail your course of action. For the purposes of this exercise, ignore any conflicts of interest that would result in recusing yourself were this situation to arise in real life, such as holding stock in a glue factory, a paintbrush store, or a quaint chain of semi-authentic Belgian restaurants.
This is more embarrassing than Suderman’s techno song! Conor, remove this before anyone sees it!
— Lasorda · Dec 21, 05:42 PM · #
It’s not so much that centaurs can’t exist, Connor. It’s just that creating them requires such an advanced biotechnology, or robotic cybertechnology – that by the time we can do it, fixing or replacing a broken bone will be a piece of cake.
And of course, if you’re only talking about mythical centaurs, then you don’t need a veterinarian, you need a sorceror.
But the reference to “Great Plains centaurs” seems to ring a bell somewhere – a scifi story series by Philip Jose Farmer, the “World of Tiers” or something. You’re testing us – right?
— Keid A · Dec 21, 07:52 PM · #
No, you need a cleric. Sorcerers can only cast arcane spells. Healing conjurations are traditionally divine.
— Chet · Dec 21, 11:43 PM · #
Is the point, here, that veterinarians aren’t trained to actually heal these kinds of injuries, because euthanasia is always the preferred course of action?
— Chet · Dec 21, 11:44 PM · #