Wherein I Officially Begin Sounding Like Someone Over 30

Do some work!!! Seriously. The fact that you haven’t been given a task doesn’t require that you sit in an empty office playing video games. Apparently you impressed your unnamed employer with New Media savvy. So go on the Internets. Brainstorm ways to improve their Web site. Dream up a guerrilla marketing strategy. Find a copy of the latest PowerPoint slides left over from the presentation by the new media consultant your bosses rely on and point out the many parts that are misleading bullshit, or maybe use your writing talent to advocate for improved prose in internal communications, because lord knows that every multinational corporation could use it.

Go to a cubicle occupied by someone doing actual work and say, “Hi, I’m the new intern, is there anything I can help you with?” Set up a Google Alert for the company, search it on Twitter, and begin to form an impression of how it is perceived among the public. See if any business schools have published case studies on your employer or its major competitors. Remove the filter and used grounds from the coffee maker. Empty the dishwasher.

Do literally anything productive. It isn’t just that doing so creates opportunity, and prevents you from being a loafing parasite who takes advantage of an employer generously compensating you in the course of giving you a summer job. There’s also the irony that actually investing yourself in meaningful work, even taken up at your own initiative, makes long boring days in an office pass faster, and prevents whatever time you spend there from being an utter waste.

You’re a good writer. Were I a magazine editor, I’d read through anything you submitted. But I’d sure as hell never assign you to an enterprise story, let alone consider you for a staff position. Probably best to think twice before ever using the clip.