The Lavender Manifesto
(1) I’m not too proud to admit that from time to time I like to rock the Lavender Diamond. Yes, tracks like Oh No and You Broke My Heart are pretty girly. But they’re still not as girly as anything made by Jens Lekman, who is (I’m told) a man.
Oh, but was just poking around the Lavender Diamond website and I found the following manifesto on the “News” page.
Did you know that this is the beginning of the era of true love? The end of oppression? Of the self or the other. It’s true. True love can only exist in the absence of oppression and where true love exists there is no oppression.
This is the moment of the invention of peace on earth. Like the moment just before the invention of the printing press. Or the day after, or the week of. Imagine the sun going down and you pass a window and someone inside is writing notes (and that someone is you) and those notes are about a letterpress- or an airplane- or the that the world is round- or that peace will come to earth. We will look back on this moment with astonishment and wonder how we lived in the time of war- much the same way we look back with astonishment at a time on earth without humans- or birds- or clouds- or at a time when dinosaurs lived-
But do not forget that everything on earth and in heaven may come and go. There was a time before humanity. There was a time before America. There was a time before the sky, there was a time before earth. And this is the time before peace.
I declare that the age of war is over and that soon it will be a memory.
War is now extinct and peace is the new species.
Imagine this. And Invent this with the full force of your soul, your mind, your heart, your voice.
Earth is heaven, the water is magic, the ground is magic, your voice is magic, you are pure magic. Remember yourself. Bring peace.
Peace to all the children of the world, forever and ever and now,
Love.
Ahem. Soooo … Heeeey. Oh man, I suddenly feel really uncomfortable. Granted, this isn’t the first time I’ve heard that I am “pure magic.” It’s not even the first time this weekend. But I mean, if someone said this to you on the bus, you’d be like, “Is this person going to stab me like James Howard Kunstler?" Again, this was on the “News” page under “TODAY!” It’s one thing if you don’t feel like updating your “News” page, but this is just too much.
(2) Note the resemblance between the phrases “I ain’t to proud to beg” and Jesse Ventura memorable “I ain’t got time to bleed.” One of these days I hope to find a subtle and appropriate way to drop “I ain’t got time to bleed” into casual conversation. Observe:
Friend: Hey Salam, you donating blood this year?
Me: Oh, sorry man. I ain’t got time to bleed.
(3) Let me also add that Cory Doctorow’s Little Brother will likely be the greatest book since modern YA classic King Dork. That’s saying a lot.
1) Hey, with the spread of liberal democracy and the progressive abolition of trade barriers, maybe the age of peace IS beginning. But it’s only going to last until the Hormone Wars of 2248 when the collapse of the Testosterone Mines of California create a worldwide shortage and global conflict.
2) How many of your friends call you by your last name?
— PEG · Dec 29, 10:14 PM · #
I saw Lavender Diamond open for The Decemberists. Witty exchange:
bq. Lavender Diamond to Crowd: “We’re Lavender Diamond, and you’re Lavender Diamond too.”
bq. Someone from the crowd over the (mostly) quiet: “Don’t touch me!”
— talboito · Dec 29, 11:57 PM · #
Now, having grown up reading the Bible and spending massive amounts of time in church, I hear something like that and wonder if this is the beginning of the end of the age. Then I wonder why no one told me and why I didn’t have the smarts to write the “Left Behind” series so my family and I could live in financial comfort until the end, donating lots of money to others, of course. I’m not sure I could endure the literary shame of being the author of “Left Behind”.
“Don’t touch me!” :-) I saw a reporter on CBS Evening News the other night bringing the drama (and not much news) to a segment of the show. “Take your hands off me!” she said to the hapless politician she ambushed with her camera crew as the interviewee earnestly tried to get her to stop. I thought I’d stumbled onto the Daily Show by mistake.
— Joules · Dec 30, 07:47 PM · #
(1) Coincidentally, I’m writing the libretto for “Hormone Wars of 2248.”
(2) Some, not many. But I’ve collected a lot of questionable nicknames.
There are many, many reasons Lavender Diamond is fascinating, and one is biographical: the chanteuse/lead has a pretty cool life story, from the little I know. I know I shouldn’t put much stock in that sort of thing, but that’s the nature of my fannishness.
— Reihan · Dec 31, 02:13 AM · #