Hellboy II is the worst movie of the summer
I saw this as someone who very much enjoyed the first Hellboy. Metacritic tells me that the movie has received “generally favorable reviews,” many of them from people who are not insane or otherwise incapacitated. I have to assume that the creators of Hellboy 2 have somehow managed to subject various respectable film critics to some combination of blackmail and extreme physical duress, up to and including purple-nurpling. Hellboy 2 was so bad that it practically made me want to weep. Selma Blair was checked out. The dialogue was hackneyed. The film’s plot required more than a suspension of disbelief — it required a suspension of all of one’s critical faculties, and also a suspension of the capacity to see and hear. In truth, I shouldn’t have been surprised. Guillermo del Toro’s Pan’s Labyrinth was similarly wretched — so bad that it almost made me reconsider my designation of Tadpole as the worst movie ever made, except I’d literally rather drink a thick gasoline-based sludge and light it on fire rather than see Tadpole ever again, whereas I’d only rather stab myself in the belly with a rusty nail file than see Pan’s Labyrinth again.
“Any specific objections, Reihan?” The romance was particularly grating. And one wonders, why didn’t Hellboy take advantage of the psychic link between the twins? I won’t go into greater detail. I wouldn’t want to “spoil” this movie for you. But I must say, the surest way to “spoil” this experience would be for you to experience this experience. You’d be better off filling your $10 with some mix of tobacco and exotic spices, rolling it, and smoking it.
This sure was a pretty movie to look at. That’s what made it tolerable for me.
Also, WANTED is the worst movie of the year, hands down. Just awful.
Agreed about Pan’s Labyrinth, though.
— on the other hand · Jul 15, 09:53 PM · #
See “The Love Guru” and “Meet Dave” and then repost please. I am both a huge Del Toro fan and a “Wall-E” dissenter, so I can’t believe that this can be worse than a film about cute robots teaching fat humans the value of life.
— Simon Crowe · Jul 15, 10:24 PM · #
I actually though Pan’s Labyrinth was good. Particularly the part when the General bashed that guy’s face in with a glass bottle.
You must have struggled with the subtitles.
— mattc · Jul 15, 10:26 PM · #
Yeah, I was surprised by the rave reviews the fairly pointless Pan’s Labyrinth got. Devil’s Backbone was a lot better.
— Ali Choudhury · Jul 15, 10:51 PM · #
Aw, yeah, I am definitely happy to sign up for the P.L. hater’s posse!
— Consumatopia · Jul 16, 01:11 AM · #
Thanks Reihan. I’m a sucker for bad reviews, and this is a gem.
— southpaw · Jul 16, 02:18 AM · #
I rather enjoyed Pan’s Labyrinth and the first Hellboy. However, I was also disappointed by Hellboy 2. The romance was surely weak and the gear motif used in the movie could well describe the plotting which lacked cleverness and often was contrary to characterization. That said I thought it was fun to look at and had some good set pieces.
— Greg Sanders · Jul 16, 12:48 PM · #
finally, someone says what needs to be said. I’m stupefied this turgid, nonsensical picture had an 88% rating on rottentomatoes. I can only think the critics just expect nothing of comic book based movies and liked some of the pretty images. But it was bad, bad, bad. Only the fact I was with someone kept me from walking out during the Tennyson discussion between the corpse like elf princess and the fishman dude.
— rd · Jul 16, 04:46 PM · #
“The Happening” is the worst movie of the summer. Unless it is viewed as a comedy, and then it is genius (particularly the scene where the lions tear the guy’s arms off in an excellent Monty Python imitation). Hellboy 2 was just “meh.”
— EG · Jul 16, 07:40 PM · #
I second Wanted as the worst movie of the summer. It was a weak story that probably wouldn’t have written without Angelina’s commitment to show off her derriere for all the fanboys. Weavers? REALLY???
At least The Happening had some directorial chops.
— Alexander · Jul 19, 03:36 PM · #
You are the one who is insane or otherwise incapacitated. The comic relief was at the least laughable. What is your favorite movie? I am sure it was the shitiest movie ever made bad ass kickin Hellboy 2 was better than the first. Yeah baby!
— Sosh · Jul 25, 03:38 AM · #