Why I'll Never Be a Singer-Songwriter
What I’d love is if I posted these absurd lyrics on the Internet, and someone composed some accompanying music. Naturally we’d split the vast royalties sure to result.
When I was young, before my West was won
I didn’t like whiskey or gin.
Out on the town, when my friends were around,
My hankerings would cause me chagrin.
They say you can’t lose, when you’re buyin’ the booze
They won’t question your testosterone
It’s true drinking whiskey, or even Vermouth
But this beverage I crave alone.
So I’d summon the man, with the towel in his hand
And his finger on the club soda gun
Thirsty as Texas, parched as a prune
My booze-hounding not yet begun.
I’d started to think, “I’ll need a shrink,
if my order causes him to make fun.”
He said, “We’ll serve you some whiskey, or even some Skyy
but I won’t serve Bacardi Limon.”
So over the years, I conquered my fears
of spirits that coarsen the tongue.
I started with Boons, and when I made it to Cuervo
I knew that my journey was done.
That’s when I met you, drinking spiked Mountain Dew
My eyes filled to the brim with tears
Sure as God reigns I knew, that if I married you
I could feel manly just drinking beers.
CHORUS:
And now it takes seven beers until I can’t remember
The sixth sense that I had you’d be my wife.
You spent 5 years in my head, four months in my bed.
Now it’s three in the morning
and the odds you won’t call are two to one.
What is “Don’t quit your day job,” Alex?
— Tony Comstock · Nov 11, 01:57 AM · #
Simple. Open D chord, strummed a few times, followed by strummed open A chord then strummed open G for verses. Then for the chorus, open C chord, strummed a few times, followed by strummed open D chord back and forth with and open E minor chord for the end of last line of the chorus.
And I haven’t picked up a guitar seriously in 20 years. You can pay me later.
— Mark in Houston · Nov 11, 05:39 AM · #
You saw Grizzly Man? I’m thinking of the scene where Herzog listens to Treadwell’s last audio recording, the one that documents the bear attack. He tells Treadwell’s friend Jewel to destroy the tape, it’s so terrible. You should take that advice, ideally delivered in the same German accent. Destroy the lyrics, Conor. Otherwise, you might be tempted to reread them one day, to your horror.
— turnbuckle · Nov 11, 04:41 PM · #
There are a few really brilliant lines in there.
— TW Andrews · Nov 11, 05:46 PM · #
Looks like I’ve found yet another excuse to spend a chunk of my weekend messing around with GarageBand. You might be hearing from me within the week.
— Ned · Nov 11, 07:13 PM · #
I couldn’t wait to get to the part where we learn what the guy drinks.
— Joules · Nov 12, 01:24 AM · #